Behold, the black Apple Watch Ultra 2

You don’t request the achromatic Apple Watch Ultra 2. 

There’s thing genuinely caller here. This is the aforesaid arsenic the regular Ultra 2. The lone quality is that this is black. That’s it. It bears reminding: the Ultra 2 is $800. I deliberation we, rational quality beings, tin each hold it would beryllium simply ludicrous to upgrade for just a caller color. This would beryllium a no-brainer if the achromatic Ultra 2 was ugly.

Alas, it looks sick arsenic hell. 

This is the Apple Watch Batman would buy. Never caput that it’s a mini ceramic connected my wrists. Sliding it connected for a photoshoot, I consciousness thing lavation implicit me. No longer americium I a sleep-deprived tech reviewer hunched implicit an overpriced coffee. I’m a leather-clad vampire assassin calmly sipping espresso connected a cobblestone street. With the caller Reflections watchface successful black, I instantly level up 1,000 enigma points. When I power to the Flux watchface, I’ve morphed into a tech-savvy firm goth. A grown-up erstwhile emo gal who, by day, files taxes connected clip but inactive spiritually sticks it to the antheral because, look, I wore my combat boots to work. (Never caput that they person orthopedic insoles.) I airs for the pictures here, and a Wall Street girlie walks past me. “Get it, sis,” she says, eyeing my all-black ensemble. 

I consciousness powerful.

When I instrumentality to the office, Verge staffers who already person Ultras descend upon my desk. Their faces are pinched, pained. They look astatine me, eyes hopeful, and ask, “Should I bargain this?” And I whisper, “No.” We each cognize this is futile. The lone mode to extremity temptation is to springiness successful to it. We spell done the motions anyway.

Nothing I bash with this caller achromatic Ultra 2 is immoderate antithetic than my regular Ultra 2. And yet, the second seems forlorn and shabby connected the charger adjacent to the matte acheronian of this inky usurper. Until I announcement a nigh imperceptible nick. Really, you wouldn’t spot it unless I pointed it retired to you. I lone announcement it due to the fact that I support staring astatine this watch. But now, I’m wondering however scratch-resistant the custom-blasted achromatic titanium decorativeness with “diamond-like c carnal vapor deposition coating” truly is. The lone mode to find retired is done rigorous semipermanent testing. I resoluteness to deterioration the chill achromatic ticker more. For science. Not astatine each due to the fact that I privation to consciousness cool.

While penning this, I conflict to prime which of these sick photos volition yet marque it onto the site. The aura is impeccable. After a bit, I commencement to consciousness philosophical astir colors connected idiosyncratic gadgets. Why does the pinkish iPhone 16 spark joy, portion my “deep purple” iPhone 14 Pro Max fills maine with incandescent rage? Why bash I get irrationally blessed erstwhile thing comes successful a colour that I like? Why does uncovering the cleanable nail polish colour scratch a deep-seated itch successful my brain? I autumn down a Wikipedia rabbit hole, but the eventual reply is due to the fact that I similar it and it makes maine consciousness something. Life is hard, the quality is bleak, and with each passing year, I americium acutely alert of however infrequently I let myself to consciousness childlike joy.

It makes perfectly nary logical consciousness to bargain the achromatic Ultra 2 — particularly if you already person one. Yet, not every acquisition has to beryllium made with your brain. Sometimes, and lone if it causes nary harm, you tin bargain thing simply due to the fact that it’s fun.