Guinness World Records Is Giving The Shaft To The World’s Biggest Dick Pic

The current Guinness World Records holder for the

is a composite photograph of a sagittal section of a 1.5-millimeter-long zebrafish embryo. The picture, created in late 2010 by Frank G. A. Faas and colleagues at the department of Molecular Cell Biology of the Leiden University Medical Center in the Netherlands, measures 921,600 by 380,928 pixels, for a total of 351,063,244,800 pixels.

That’s nothing, however, compared to an image created by one Washington, DC–based developer. Almost a year in the making, the image has an area of 102,040,171,200,000 pixels — 290 times larger than the current record holder. At one pixel per inch, it would wrap around the Earth 2.7 times. If printed out at 15 DPI, a fairly common setting for large billboards, the image would be as tall as 16,408 Empire State Buildings stacked on top of each other. If 3D-printed, the image could (hypothetically) be used to bat the International Space Station out of orbit. 

This image is so immense, in fact, that it can’t be opened like any common digital file. It can only be accessed with specialized software, programs used in fields like geography, microbiology, and astronomy. “Uncompressed, this thing would be 250 terabytes, which is huge!” the image creator, speaking to BuzzFeed News via Zoom, said with a proud grin. “Like, you can't just pick up 250 terabytes at Walmart.”

The image itself is a cartoonish representation of an erect penis. It’s peach-colored, with a thatch of hair at the base and a pink dorsal artery running the length of the organ. The head, relative to the shaft, is comically small. The creator would prefer we not reveal whether the phallus is circumcised or not — he wants it to be a surprise.

You can examine this digital dong at a website called

, which the creator set up without fanfare in the fall. Be warned: If you are inclined to inspect the entire thing, scrolling from top to bottom, it will take at least 41 days. The creator has also set up

that shares a tiny portion of the image every day; it will take the bot 134,819 years to post every piece of the picture.

It is, to put it mildly, the dick pic to end all dick pics.

“This is what the internet was made for,” Louisa Hall, a former colleague and personal friend of the man behind all this, told BuzzFeed News. “I also love that the image isn’t vulgar or pornographic — it's just silly, fun, and stupid in the best possible way.”