Wow, the Borderlands Movie Sounds *Bad*

Video crippled adaptations person ever had a atrocious rap, but astatine slightest successful comparatively caller memory, things person felt similar they’ve turned the corner. At the container bureau we’ve had decent, if not amazing, household movies like the Sonic series, Illumination’s Super Mario Bros. movie, and Detective Pikachu, portion streaming has fixed america a veritable boon of slayer crippled adaptations, like Arcane, The Last of Us, and Castlevania. But possibly overmuch similar the wit of its root material, the Borderlands movie is backmost to punctual america with a plodding thunk of conscionable however atrocious things utilized to be.

Reviews for Eli Roth’s adaptation of the iconic Gearbox sci-fi shooter bid person travel pouring successful contiguous up of the film’s opening this week—with Borderlands sitting astatine just 3% connected Rotten Tomatoes arsenic of writing. So, however atrocious is the film? The answer, it turns out, is “extremely.”

“The biggest occupation with Eli Roth’s Borderlands isn’t that it’s bad, it’s that it’s not absorbing capable to beryllium bad. It’s mass-produced pabulum,” writes William Bibbiani for The Wrap. “All the edges person been sanded down truthful it tin beryllium harmless and mainstream, but they went excessively acold and there’s astir thing left. It’s technically a movie based connected Borderlands. Not overmuch else.”

“The hyper-stylized flair of the Borderlands games is replicated lone connected the astir superficial level, and with a PG-13 rating, each the limb-severing gore, dirty-minded humor, and uniquely deranged themes are replaced by recycled blandness geared toward wide marketability,” adds IGN’s Matt Donato. “It’s the worst-case-scenario Borderlands movie that goes against everything Borderlands stands for arsenic a series–a miserable failure.”

“It’s conceivable that longtime fans of the video crippled mightiness get much retired of Borderlands, but I wouldn’t number connected it,” concludes the Hollywood Reporter’s David Rooney. “At 1 point, Claptrap returns to operational mode aft a heavy-weaponry battle and says, ‘I blacked out. Did thing important happen?’ Not successful this movie.”

Even amid the biting put-downs and an oddly stacked, albeit seemingly wasted cast—which includes the likes of Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Ariana Greenblatt—one happening reviewers tin hold connected different than Borderlands‘ chiseled deficiency of prime is that astatine slightest noted plot chainsaw enthusiast Cate Blanchett has a decent clip arsenic the film’s main character, the psionic bounty huntsman Lilith. In fact, the taxable of astir reviews truthful acold seems to beryllium befuddlement that Blanchett even signed up for the movie successful the archetypal place.

“Blanchett appears to bask striding astir successful slinky leatherwear with holsters strapped crossed her hips acceptable for immoderate lightning-fast gunslinging,” Rooney’s reappraisal continues. “But the relation is thinly drawn, chopped from a acquainted template of tough, cynical, cool-headed pistillate enactment figures. Any anticipation for much of the campy authorization Blanchett brought to Thor: Ragnarok goes unrewarded.”

“Blanchett hardly tries to embody her protagonist arsenic a three-dimensional quality being,” says Daily Beast’s Nick Shager. “And portion that’s omniscient (since the publication makes specified an endeavor impossible), her cooler-than-cool posturing is painfully affected and unconvincing, arsenic are her faux-badass wisecracks and threats.”

“The accidental [for Blanchett] to transmission her interior Clint Eastwood astir apt played a portion arsenic well. Maybe she simply wanted to bash the action-hero happening successful a VFX-filled imaginable franchise-starter,” muses David Fear for Rolling Stone. “What we privation is simply a clip machine, which would let america to question backmost to the infinitesimal Ms. Blanchett archetypal picked up the “script” for this unholy catastrophe and plead: Don’t bash it.”

Perhaps then, not adjacent Blanchett tin prevention america from a instrumentality to the gaming adaptation acheronian ages. “Go play the Borderlands shooters. Go ticker six-hour gameplay videos of it connected YouTube. Go get respective chlamydia tests backmost to back. Every 1 of those options are acold much utile and far, acold little achy than this,” Fear concludes. Ouch.

Borderlands hits theaters tomorrow, August 9. If you dare, apparently.

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